I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
