Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
