John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
where does the pee come out of this thing
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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