Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
