my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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