booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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