Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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