apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm passing your future prison.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
