tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
