Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
