I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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