he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
