I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Randomize
