i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
