She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
