Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You are a genius and a whore.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
