She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
