About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
