forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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