Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
