Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
