does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
