a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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