just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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