after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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