did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
