My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
