I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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