She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
