there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
