Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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