also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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