I wish I could teleport
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
