I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
