I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
In America we eat man semen.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
