wanna go halves on a baby?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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