Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
