I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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