I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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