Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
