You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I wish there were birth control emojis
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
