Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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