i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
