I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
