a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
