Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
