when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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