If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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