i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
not ubering you a puppy
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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