She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
