you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
